Am I a Mother?


People tell me that I am a mother. I desperately want to believe them.




How can I be a mother if I have never given birth?

How can I be a mother when I ended my daughter’s life?

How can I be a mother when I’ve never changed a diaper?


Some women talk about their Angel Babies with such ease, confident in their motherhood. And then there’s me.

I do not feel like a mother.  I gave that opportunity up for my daughter, in order to prevent her from suffering. I think that if I ever get the chance, I will be a very good mother one day. But for now, that day is not today.


One thought on “Am I a Mother?

  1. What Makes a Mother

    I thought of you and closed my eyes.
    And prayed to God today.
    I asked what makes a mother and
    I know I heard him say,

    A mother has a baby.
    This we know is true.
    But God, can you be a mother
    when your baby’s not with you?

    Yes, you can, He replied
    with confidence in His voice.
    I give many women babies.
    When they leave is not their choice.

    Some I send for a lifetime
    and others for a day.
    And some I send to feel your womb
    but there’s no need to stay.

    I just don’t understand this. God,
    I want my baby here.
    He took a breath and cleared His throat
    and then I saw a tear.

    I wish I could show you
    what your child is doing today.
    If you could see your child smile
    with other children and say,

    “We go to earth to learn our lessons
    of life and love and fear.
    My Mommy loved me, Oh so much,
    I got to come straight here.

    I feel so lucky to have a Mom
    who had so much love for me,
    I learned my lesson very quickly.
    My Mommy set me free.

    I miss my Mommy, Oh so much,
    but I visit her each day.
    When she goes to sleep,
    on her pillow’s where I lay.

    I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
    and whisper in her ear,
    ‘Mommy don’t be sad today,
    I’m your baby and I’m here.'”

    So you see, my dear sweet one,
    your children are okay.
    Your babies are here in MY home
    and this is where they’ll stay.

    They’ll wait for you with ME
    until your lesson is through.
    And on the day that you come home,
    they’ll be at the gates for you.

    So now you see what makes a Mother—
    It’s the feeling in your heart.
    It’s the love you had so much of,
    right from the very start.


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