Triplets and Ugly Thoughts

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About a year ago, I remember reading on a message board a post from a pregnant women who ART (assisted reproductive technology) to get pregnant with triplets. Two of the triplets had fetal anomalies – both had Down Syndrome and I’m pretty one had additional complications.

Her plan? Give birth to all three babies, and give the two sick babies up for adoption.

I know that if I don’t want people to judge me then I shouldn’t judge, but this situation haunts me.

With IUI’s, there is a small chance of twins, and we had discussed that. He was nervous, but I was thrilled with the idea of twins. We also talked about what we would do if we eventually had to get more aggressive and upgrade to IVF. With IVF, the chance for multiples increases, and while we were prepared for twins, we weren’t prepared to turn into Jon and Kate, or worse – Octomom. I also know that with each additional fetus, the chance for anomalies increases.

I knew that selective reduction was an option for situations like this, and while we had discussed what we would do if we found ourselves in this situation, we weren’t completely on the same page. DH was convinced that we would need to selectively reduce in order to properly care for a child, but I was horrified by the idea of choosing which fetus would live.

But I am horrified by the idea of choosing to keep the “normal” baby and giving up the two “deformed” babies to be adopted.

Which one is the more ethical decision: giving birth to all three with the intention of giving them up as soon they’re born, or terminating the two with trisomy? I don’t know.

There is a dark and mean part of myself that thinks that if she didn’t terminate, then she should be one that has to raise those children. Did I just admit that? The meanness, I think, comes from the fact that I terminated for an anomaly and contemplated adoption due to infertility. I am certainly not proud of these thoughts, and I really don’t think that I truly believe them. I hope I don’t, because what would that make me?

(Whoops! This should have been posted yesterday!)

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