8 weeks ago was the lowest point in my entire life. I was stuck in between the dx and the tx, and was living off of Xanax, Jell-o, and Pop-Tarts.
Today, it seems like it was months ago.
That gives me hope, because I’m looking forward to what I’ll feel like next month, and the month after.
A few things that have helped me get through these past two months are pretty cheesy, but I don’t care. I keep her footprints in a pink frame on the mantle. I have a large candle holder and candle that I bought to give us hope when we can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have some Buddhist prayer beads that I wear religiously. I read poems and songs that I find comfort in. I’ve just started going back to yoga.
I know that Mother’s Day (and Father’s Day) will be tough. I know that my EDD will be tough. And I know that when my best friend’s daughter is born (due ten days after mine), I’ll probably need a drink, but I feel that I can prepare for those days.
For Mother’s Day, I think I’ll write my daughter a letter. Work on the corner where I want her memorial garden to be. I’ll be prepared to cry. I’m going to avoid going out to eat that day. If I am pregnant by this day, I think I’ll be struggling with conflicted feelings.
For my EDD, I want to give a donation to March of Dimes or another charity in her honor. I want to have my necklace done by this time (a soldered charm with her footprint on one side, and on the other, my and my husband’s thumbprint in the shape of a heart). Maybe I’ll be able to look at my ultrasound pictures, but I’m that will bring tears to my eyes, but I think that’s actually a healthy reaction.
Some other ideas that I might consider:
- butterfly release
- ladybug release
- put a swing in the garden (I’m too scared to have a memorial plant – what if it dies!?!?!)
- Get a new candle for the candleholder
Any other ideas for grieving/memorial on these trigger days?