No Such Thing as “Cautiously Optimistic”

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In the land of Infertility, there is no such thing as being cautiously optimistic. I remember one day, when I crying about how I would never get pregnant, a friend gently scolded me for being too pessimistic.

Pessimism is a defensive mechanism. It’s easier to expect the worst and hope to be wrong rather than be optimistic about a BFB, only to have your world come crashing down around you when AF starts (because no optimistic person actually believes that negative pregnancy test). There where times when I was sure that my AF was just implantation spotting. I could earn award for my delusions.

There is no “wait and see” attitude when infertiles TTC. The TTW (two-week wait) is the worst emotional roller coaster you can possibly be on, because honestly, it doesn’t seem that bad. You think that it won’t last that long, and the first few AF’s you get, you are saddened, but still positive that you’ll “get this” next month. You resign yourself to the fact that you won’t have a Leo for a child, but you might possibly get a Virgo – so you start researching while waiting to try again.

You don’t even realize you are on a roller coaster until you are at the top of that first peak about to have what THINK is a little dip when you realize that you have been doing this for 13 months. And THAT’S when the CRASH hits. There is no more cautiously optimistic after that.

I’m still cautiously optimistic about other things in life, just not my fertility or ability to create a healthy child.

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3 thoughts on “No Such Thing as “Cautiously Optimistic”

  1. I’ve started to think it is a little cruel that over on the conception boards, so many say ‘never give up, next month’. Maybe being on the roller coaster for ages isn’t the kindest way to live.

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