Talking about my heartache is the scariest thing I have ever done. But, it has made me realize just how many other people have walked this path before me, and I’m saddened to know that there will be many others that follow me.
It’s hard for me to write on the good days.
I’ve been a bit melodramatic, and it’s hard to find inspiration in the ordinary. And luckily for me, my life is ordinarily happy.
Yesterday was Mother’s Day in the UK. It wasn’t that bad, because I’m not there, but I saw plenty on Facebook that started small triggers. I cried a little bit, but it wasn’t that bad. I think I cried more out of an obligation to cry than anything else.
Today, I’m cleaning my house. I started to get weird little ideas in my head again, like “Did my homemade cleaning supplies cause the NTD?” And I just shook them out of my head. Women have used cleaning supplies long before you came along, and I seriously doubt vinegar, vodka, and essential oils are the culprit of my baby’s myelomeningocele.
I also fell asleep before I could take my second folic acid pill. I freaked a little this morning, and had to tell myself that it will be ok. I’m not pregnant, and even if I was, skipping one pill wouldn’t be the end of the world, or cause another neural tube defect.
I am trying to eat at least one salad a day (with spinach and kale), and once a week I treat myself to Bún chả giò at least once a week (I tell myself that the fish sauce is good for me).
But I haven’t changed my lifestyle too much. I was already on an organic kick (at least with the dirty dozen) before I got pregnant, and I still am. I’m avoiding corn syrup with more intensity these days – my husband read an article where corn syrup was found to have mercury in it, and mercury reduces folic acid absorption.
This Friday marks 9 weeks post tx for me. We are halfheartedly TTC this month – basically, no protection. I’m not temping or charting my ovulation or peeing on a stick. We’re just having fun. If it happens, hooray! If not, back to the IUI’s next month.
I’m still not cleaning the little box, though. 🙂