Ice and Fire

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I feel like Dany. In the series A Song of Ice and Fire, Daenerys Targaryen’s husband Drogo is dying, so she makes a pact with a witch to save him using blood magic. However, Dany isn’t aware of the high price and as a result, loses her much wanted son to a stillbirth because of the magic. Her husband, who lives, is catatonic and Dany ends up euthanizes him. She was told and she believes that she is now sterile and that her dragons are the only children that she will ever have: a large black dragon, a white/gold dragon, and a green dragon.

She not only lost her child, she was responsible for his death – she gave up Rhaego’s life for Drogo, albeit unknowingly. She is suffering from infertility now, and treats her dragons as her children as I treat my three cats. My husband and I even jokingly figured out which cat is which dragon.

And sometimes, I wonder if Dany’s fate is my own. Was my daughter the one chance I had at children? Am I destined to become an animal hoarder? But this is just me being ridiculous and finding ridiculous parallels between fiction and real life.

DH (the D stands for Damn, in this case) insists on watching all of the GoT episodes before Season 3 comes out on the 31st. He doesn’t understand that there are certain scenes I don’t want to watch right now – like when Robert Baratheon’s infant bastard children are murdered. He doesn’t get why watching an infant being ripped from his mother only to be butchered is upsetting to me. He doesn’t get that I have a problem with watching Dany progress in her pregnancy, knowing how it will end.

It’s the same with watching the final series in Fringe. I know that Olivia is going to get pregnant (again?) and I really can’t bear to watch it. I remember how I bawled until I was sick to my stomach when Faux-livia got pregnant with Henry. I was pregnant at the time, but it just triggered too many emotions, and I don’t really want to go back there.

Thankfully, with A Game of Thrones, I’m up to date on reading all the books, so hopefully there won’t be any infant surprises. I’m nervous about Craster’s daughter and Mance Rayder’s son, but I think I have a few episodes before that happens (if it even does).

Infanticide makes me tear up, but I’m most scared about is my connection to Dany and her dragons. I hate that I identify with this, but I can’t deny it. I sacrificed my infant and am now left with only my pets as replacements.

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