I have the best friends.
I have always known this, because I don’t befriend superficial assholes. But this whole process has reminded me of just how incredible they are, in many ways that I just take for granted.
1. The ones who know what I went through have not made any disparaging comments. Granted, most of my friends are rather liberal, but I think even my conservative friends would support me. I just didn’t tell them all the details because I didn’t want to say anything that would offend their beliefs or cause them any conflict, especially my Catholic friends. If anyone did disagree with me, no one said anything to me about it, or treated me differently.
2. No one has ever made me feel bad for skipping a baby shower. Ever.
3. I don’t have any pregnant friends who call tell me that they are pregnant. I don’t have people sending me ultrasound pictures. I don’t have people who pretend that this never happened to me.
4. I have friends who honor my pregnancy. They don’t treat it as a fantasy, and they remember how much I relished my time being pregnant. Those who know my daughter’s name use it. They urge me to honor and remember my daughter.
When I read the stories that other people went through, my heart breaks. Veritable horror stories. Cruelty. And I sit and read slack jawed because I just assume that everyone has friends like mine.
It has become painfully aware that that is not true.
One of my friends, S. went through TFMR and lost what she considered to be a close friend. I think it had to do with the fact that the friend got pregnant and felt that S wasn’t as supportive as she should have been.
Supporting others? Somedays, I can barely support myself. Even when I was pregnant, I never expected anyone to be as happy as I was. I never expected anyone to “support” me. Maybe she thought that T should have thrown her a baby shower? I’ve read about some women who have thrown baby showers after their termination – WHAT THE HELL? Seriously? How cruel? I know people will blame ignorance or other reasons why this would happen, but I have to be honest – I don’t think I would want anyone who acted like that to remain a friend.
If you have lost friends (or even had a friendship tainted) because of a loss or termination, I am sorry. That’s a needless additional loss.