I did it today. I didn’t even really do it because of ultrasound pictures. I did it because I was tired of getting angry every time I logged on.
Angry because I got tired of hearing about God’s plan, or seeing stupid inspirational quotes.
Angry wading through the stupid suggested posts that were triggered because my former students have to “like” every stupid company that ever promised them a free iPhone.
Angry because I got tired of pretending like everything was OK.
And I really couldn’t be myself there. There were too many people, too many work colleagues, too many co-workers, for me to even pretend like I was able to express myself and my opinions. So it just became an inane waste of time for me.
What’s really on my mind, Facebook?
Well, no one on FB really wants to hear about my Clomid hot flashes, or the intensity of my mood swings. No one wants my snarky Mother’s Day comments to ruin their happy day. The few times that I think about making a comment about what I really think, I stop myself, because once I type something into that status bar, it no longer is mine, but becomes something else that I have no control over.
I suppose I could go go through and delete the people that I really don’t want on there, the people that I really don’t want to know the truth, but then that becomes socially awkward as well. I know I could always have different groups, but then that just gets to be too much maintenance.
So, here I am. Maybe I’ll get some more work done. Clean the house more. Write more. Do something. But then I haven’t really been on FB all that much lately. I haven’t even been reading my news feed lately.
I don’t know if I’m in an emotional trough right now, or it’s just the hormonal mood swings, but I’m not feeling very social right now. I don’t want to go to work, because I’m tired of pretending that I’m happy and want to be there.
I think I’ll miss parts of FB – like catching up with friends from Scotland and stalking people, but I’m hoping that eventually, I’ll just forget about it. I didn’t make a big deal out of it – I didn’t even make an announcement that I was deactivating. I just did it. I didn’t want it to seem like I was being a drama queen, which maybe I am, but I don’t want it to sound like I’m fishing for compliments to stay.