Riding the Clomid Wave

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I’ve been feeling dumpy lately, but I’m hoping that has more to do with Clomid mood swings than real depression. I’m on CD 10, so I’m off the pills. Just waiting for that smiley face on the OPK before I go into the dreaded TWW.

My meditation tapes have been working, but there are triggers on them. Here are a few:

“Know that everything happens for a reason.” Gee. Thanks. Like I haven’t heard that before. It was really distracting because all I could think about was my tx. People used to tell me when I got my BFP that there was a reaso

n – that the embryo wouldn’t have been healthy or viable. Well, I know that’s a crock now. At least tell me what the reason is – don’t just misquote Confucius to me.

“You are already a mother in your heart.” – Ok, this only hit me so hard because I want to believe it so badly. This is like saying I’m a cat mother. I don’t feel like a mother; I feel like an imposter.

“Go ahead and give your self a hug. Let your body know that you love and appreciate it. Forgive yourself for the past.” – I cried. It stopped me in my tracks and I just cried. I don’t think I’m at that point yet. How can I forgive a body that betrays me every single month? And the one time I got pregnant, it decided to be evil and vindictive.

I think that I’m going to continue with these, but just accept my emotions as they emerge. I think I can handle it. I cried last nig

ht, but it was an anxiety attack that sent me into hysterics. And I feel that I need to deal with these emotions head on as I’ll be faced with them sooner or later. I’m sure I’ll have nasty burbling issues emerge when/if WHEN I get my BFP with a healthy baby.

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3 thoughts on “Riding the Clomid Wave

  1. OMG!!! I would have had a total panic attack listening to that tape. I know I am mother to my Olivia but in the same breath I am not a mother and my heart just rips in half thinking about it

    • It was like a punch to the stomach. I was prepared for it on the second day, but ugh. I’m starting CD 11 tonight, so it’s a new meditation, and I’m almost scared to listen to it!

      Did you do every day when you did your IVF cycle? I think the IVF and IUI are the same tapes.

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