I cheat at Solitaire. The undo button gets a lot of use in my games – I like to know what options are available to me. Today, while slowly waking up on a lazy Sunday morning, I was playing solitaire and was keeping track of how many moved would NOT have been available to me had I not made the choice that I did. I was keeping a tally in my mind – “I wouldn’t have been able to do this.” And then I suddenly realized that I was trying to keep track of two games – the game I WAS playing and the game I could have played.
I can’t keep living my life thinking “What if my daughter was healthy?” “What if I had continued to term”? It doesn’t help. It doesn’t matter. It’s like my solitaire game this morning. I can’t sit here and think that if I had a baby right now, I wouldn’t be attempting to sew a skirt. Or that if I had a baby right now, I wouldn’t be attending a three-week writing institute. I don’t have a baby right now and I am doing these things, so I should give them 100% of what I can give them.
In other news, we lost the baby on January 2nd, and the hospital still hasn’t reimbursed us our money yet. Neither has the insurance company reimbursed us. I know my ob said it would take some time, but this is getting ridiculous. Anyone have any experience with that?