Unbeknownst to me, I had to share what we wrote from the thirty minute session. I sat with three other woman (one was my table mate) and I just read I Shared Today. In its entirety.
I said abortion in front of three peers. Coworkers. And then they had to make positive comments about it!
I have to admit, I don’t think I give them enough credit. My table mate affirmed that she did say “Thank you” to me. Another person reassured me that she didn’t leave the room because of me. My table mate (who admitted she was raised in a conservative Christian background) basically told me that I can’t possibly know the experiences of my audience, and that the day after she decided to lose her virginity, she was raped and ended up in an abortion clinic contemplating the choice available to her. Thankfully, her cycle was just delayed and she didn’t have to make a decision, but she did counsel a friend in a similar situation.
I have a HUGE sweat stain under my arm pits from the anxiety over it all, but I’m glad I shared. Really. I know that I only said abortion to three people, but I feel like it was a huge step for me.
I hate the social stigma that I feel like is hanging over my head. But I feel that part of that social stigma is because of the silence. Silent suffering leads to silent shame, and I know that I haven’t done anything that is shameful, but I do have to watch out. There is a part of me that wonders if I just destroyed my professional reputation as a teacher.
As part of this training, I have to write a personal narrative that is going to be published. I think that I am not going to write about the infertility or the tx. I am going to write about something else. I just don’t know what yet. As I said, I made a promise to my daughter that this wasn’t going to define me. So I won’t. There is more to me than just the categories on my blog. Honestly, if truth be told, my categories would include words like Happiness, Laughter, Thinking, Self-Improvement, Love, Teaching, Family, Koi, Cats, and many, many others. I know that I haven’t updated this blog as frequently as I used to, and I think it’s because I’ve been focusing on those other categories lately.