I still can’t look at infants or pregnant women. Or ultrasounds.
How long is this going to last?
A co-worker got pregnant this summer and resigned, and I am so grateful that she quit. I don’t know how I would have handled a pregnancy so close to my own. Am i ever going to recover from this?
I know that if I got pregnant myself, it would probably make it a little easier, but what if that never happens? What if i am destined to sitting in the lunchroom year after year listening to people tell stories about their children and grandchildren? Am I going to have to use anxiety meds to get me through work anytime I’m confronted with a pregnancy? Supposedly, it’s so acute right now because the grief is still so raw, but I’d rather this process just hurry up.
I see lots of childfree sites for people and couples who CHOOSE to be childfree, but there aren’t that many like this RESOLVE page.
I’ve looked up a few IVF grants, and I suppose I could apply for them, but it just seems like so much effort to just continue this fight.
I think regardless of what we decide to do, I’m going to need a break for a few months, even with my advancing maternal age. This process is more emotionally draining than fertile people realize. The invasion. The embarrassment. The fact that you get asked every single frakkin’ month about being pregnant. That lack of privacy. The limitations (financially and otherwise). Being stuck to the city in case of ovulation. The days off from work.
Honestly, I’m looking at the whole childfree thing, and it’s just making more and more sense, even if it’s just for six months.