One Week Down…


One to go.

I have a massive headache today. Too many things to worry about.

My father called yesterday, fishing around for what I’ve been up to this summer. I was pretty certain he already knew what I have been up to, so I just responded with the fact that I testified – I didn’t even say what about. His response? “So you’re an abortionist now?”

What does he think I did on January 2nd? Does he not know that a termination is the same thing as an abortion?

I really don’t remember too many details from yesterday, but I do recall trying to explain to him that Texas is going to make what I did illegal. His only response was “No.”

This is what conservative radio talk show hosts do to people.

Other people seem to think that since I had mine done at 18 weeks that ANYONE should be able to TFMR before 20 weeks. That this wouldn’t have affected m, and won’t affect me in the future.

Let’s break this down, shall we?

I had my procedure at 18 weeks, but it took two weeks from the time the dx was identified. I didn’t have an amniocentesis.

I had to FIGHT to see my perinatalogist as soon as I did – they originally wanted me to wait over a week to see them – they were booked. I scrambled to find someone who could see my sooner – on a Friday, and we were able to get the procedure booked for the next week.

However, what would have happened if there were only five abortion clinics in the state of Texas? Do you really think I’d be able to be seen as quickly as I was?

If I had had the amnio done, it would have taken (generally) between 10-12 business days.

That would have, at the earliest, made me 20 weeks pregnant. Now imagine what would happen if a family got their DX at 19 or 20 weeks.

So essentially and very easily, this bill is easily going to end lots of TFMR here in Texas.

Just because a diagnosis isn’t fatal doesn’t mean it isn’t horrific.

Until you have faced a poor-prenatal diagnosis like mine, don’t presume to empathize. You don’t understand. Even if you know someone who had a similar situation to mine or my daughter’s, you don’t know MINE. You don’t know my fiances, my personal health, the stability of our jobs, how strong our marital relationship is, what our future goals are, or how badly off our daughter’s dx was. That’s why spinda bifida is a grey area. We just knew that our situation was a darker shade of grey.

Don’t sit there with your pictures of butchered infants, or well-worn baby shoes, or your crosses or Bibles and pretend to know what me and my family faced. Consider yourself lucky.

I don’t think my already tenuous relationship with my father will ever heal.

My mother started crying the other day when she told me that she realized I could be pregnant while reading my testimony before the Senate. She was so hopeful. If I am pregnant, I wonder what all this adrenaline is doing? I’m staying pretty calm, given the situation, but I’m still worried.

It’s also hard for me to eat – I get so worked up that I don’t have an appetite. I’ve been forcing myself, but it’s hard not to worry, especially after you’ve already lived through a nightmare.


3 thoughts on “One Week Down…

  1. Your story is why I feel so strongly that this bill is slap to women everywhere. no one can understand that situation until they have to live it and make those decisions. I am 19 weeks today and having my anatomy scan next week. I cry when i think of being in the position to have to make such a heart-wrenching decision, and my heart breaks. People who support this need to educate themselves, and if it passes, better get down on their knees and pray that they never have to be in your shoes.
    You are a brave woman, and thank you for speaking and telling your story.

    • Thanks for the post. I’m sure everything will go wonderfully next week for the two of you. 🙂

      I just don’t understand the hatred – I’ve been getting trolls on my blog from all the publicity, and they are downright cruel trying to shame me. I don’t understand how they think that they are an expert in this field because they know someone who has a special needs child.

      It’s just all so frustrating. I wish humans could just be HUMANE.

  2. Just found your blog. Our stories are similar: spina bifida diagnosis and termination at 18 weeks. Love the blog so far and your passion for fighting for what’s right. Going to add you to my reader right now!

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