I ordered a book off of Amazon – Sweet Grapes: How to Stop Being Infertile and Start Living Again. It had the best reviews from what I saw and didn’t approach things from a religious perspective. I wasn’t looking for childfree lifestyles, I was looking for how to transition from infertile to childfree. I think that my audience will recognize the difference.
It’s a small book, and what I have read so far isn’t anything new, just confirmation and affirmation.
Don’t get me wrong, I am still keeping my fingers crossed, but I feel like I need to be prepared for the worst. Wait a minute. I take that back. I should know by now that there are worse things than never getting pregnant. Stupid me.
On that note, I think that if I do get pregnant and it ends with a miscarriage or another termination, that will be it for me. I can’t keep doing this to myself. It’s not fair to me or my husband.
So far, I really do like the book. Somethings I’ve highlighted so far include:
“It [infertility] doesn’t mean that your marriage is infertile or that your life is infertile or that you are a general failure.”
“…when we talk of no longer being infertile we do not mean that some magic state in which your feelings of loss have completely disappeared.”
It talks about that infertility is only present when you are TTC – if I wasn’t actively trying to get pregnant, I wouldn’t be infertile. It really seems to be about coming to terms with moving on without children.
In other news, I think I may have a big announcement coming up. I’m not comfortable making it public just yet, but it has to do with abortion activism and sharing my story. I’ll let you know when things are a little more settled.
The only thing keeping me from taking a pregnancy test today is the promise of a Coconut Lemon Sour and some crispy green beans. Don’t judge.