The Talk


So DH and had THE TALK tonight. The RE gave us three options at the last visit:

1. Go straight to IVF

2. Have another lap to see if the endo has come back and to check for scarring from the D&E

3. Or, we could talk her into doing a few more IUI’s (since I got pg from an IUI and we had that one really low sperm count)

This is what we discovered tonight: we are both done with IUI. If we are going to do this, we’re going to do IVF.

If we don’t do IVF (right away or otherwise) I’m going to get back on birth control. I don’t want to have the endometriosis come back in full force.

We are not convinced about IVF, though. He’s only about 20% ready for IVF and I’m only around 50%. But, that’s enough to get us in to come clinics to talk about our options and statistics. We are both worried that the past four years has taken its toll on us. In many ways our relationship is stronger than it was when we got married, but but in many ways, its more fragile. That’s four years of resentment, guilt, and sacrifice that we have been dealing with, and we have no idea what will happen if we start venturing into the land of IVF.

The most important thing to me right now is my relationship with my husband. I am not going to jeopardize that. I mean, he’s the reason I want to have a baby. But, I know there is more to us than this. I know there is more to being a woman’s worth than reproducing. I know that I’ll be happy, but it’s just this period right now is kinda sucking all the happiness out of me.

So IVF. We are planning on doing some research the first week of September, right after my last IUI. I have two clinics I want to look into, maybe three, but the third is the BAD place that forgot about me. Do I compromise my personal values for convenience? Could I even trust that clinic?

These are the questions I’m going to ask the doctors:

  • If the endo did come back, could that negatively impact IVF? Should I have a lap if we are considering IVF? Or is that even needed?
  • What if I have an infection? Do they do a biopsy before the IVF to see if everything is normal? I’m worried I might have an infection that keeps embryos from implanting.
  • I’ve read about the money back IVF places. Is that an option? How much money would we really be out? What would happen if I miscarried or had to go through TFMR again?
  • What are the success rates of IVF for unexplained infertility (and my age)?
  • How much would IVF cost us a month?

Also, we are going to a counselor again. Not the one that I went to before (too damn far away), but one that specializes in infertility and grief. Not sure when we can get in, but I sent her an e-mail. I’ll see how it goes. There were two in my area that dealt with infertility, but one of them just seemed… icky. I don’t know why, but my hackles raised when I went to her webpage. Besides, she touted herself as a mother on her page. It just felt wrong to me to advertise to infertiles and then mention YOU are a mother. Maybe I’ve just senstive after four years.

I think I’m just ready to get this over with one way or another. DH would be find with the cost if we would actually get a baby out of it, but we don;t want to go through three attempts at IVF just to find out that we can’t have kids.


2 thoughts on “The Talk

  1. I believe based on your personal situation, they can give you an approximate chance. Do you know if he still has sperm issues? Our RE said it would require ICSI, which OF COURSE is more expensive.

    Anyway, good luck on your decision! I agree with finding out more about it before deciding. If your husband is willing to go to counseling, you’re already winning.

    • The past four counts have been 3.5, 11, 35, and 25. So, while I would like to say that the sperm issues are gone, I’m still very nervous. I read on some Resolve page that they consider over 20 “normal” (don’t know if that’s after the sperm wash or not).

      From the little research that I have done, most places encourage ICSI. I don’t know if there is a reason for that or not. We would also pay extra for the genetic screening of any embryos. I forget what that is called, but I don’t want to take the chance of not having a healthy baby again. The last thing I want to do is do IVF and then have to TFMR again, Now, neural tube defects, which is what I tx’d for, isn’t a genetic issue, but I’m scared to death of trisomies and would rather not have to face that.

      I think if we are going to do it, we are going to go all in. Also, we have a friend in the UK who is an OBGYN who has been our go-to guy with second opinions. He felt we were wasting our time with IUI’s, but we had to remind him that NHS works differently than fertility treatments in the US.

      DH is cranky because he says that if we were in the UK and our costs would be DRASTICALLY reduced, he’d have no issue with IVF risks.


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