So, I contacted my first choice therapist and heard back from her today: not accepting any new patients. She suggested that I see the icky one. Great. Besides, she charges $250 an hour for couples. Yeah. I didn’t pay that much with my reproductive PSYCHIATRIST.
After talking to a friend, I thought that perhaps I didn’t need to see a specialist and just find a therapist that I could deal with. A friend recommended a “hippie” one to me, and I really dug that idea. So I went to her page and saw that she has experience with “pregnancy centers” and “Christian agencies and churches”.
It may just be paranoia, but that screams pregnancy crisis center to me. I absolutely don’t want to support her with business if this is her ideology, and I don’t think I could trust her if I suspected that she a person who has worked at those places. So, I called her and left her a message asking her to call me back because I had a few questions to ask her. I’m going to ask her if she worked at a crisis pregnancy center and let her know that I’m looking for someone that I can be comfortable talking about my history.
I just want to find someone that I can feel comfortable talking to. With DH.
I feel horrible that I’m so paranoid. I’ve never been antagonist towards the church or religious people (though I’ve never been fond of organized religion), but this whole experience has jaded me. I understand that a person can be pro-life and be a decent human being, but my experience with them is that they are not kind individuals who care about repercussions. They think the world is black and white.
I refuse to listen to lectures about how my choice (with the underlying message being that I’m going to hell).
I don’t want to go to therapy and talk about my past to someone who spread lies about infertility, cancer, and abortion. I don’t want to go to someone who is silently condemning me.
Also, I don’t want her to focus on the termination. Yes, it was a traumatizing experience, but I’m more worried about how IVF or a childfree future will affect my relationship with my husband. I know the tx will come up, but that isn’t the focus of my life. I feel like I have dealt with that as well as I could have. I don’t want her to blame all of my problems on that.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with protecting myself from the vultures.