Saturday morning, she called me back.I was polite, but I said because of my background, I was a little concerned with her work at churches and at pregnancy centers. I flat-out asked if she was pro-choice.
This is what I found out: she’s a Christian, but that doesn’t come up (or have to come up). She’s not a faith-based counselor. I don’t have a problem with anyone’s faith, but I did not want faith-based counseling.
Then, she gave me the name of the “pregnancy center” – and it was a crisis pregnancy center. She interned there. I really don’t know how I feel about that.
I told her I tx’d for medical reasons, but I’m not sure if she really understood what that meant. She then said in a little bit that if I needed to know where she stood, that she was pro-choice. I got the impression that she is like most normal Americans and think that they are easily preventable with birth control and that there are exceptions to rules. She specifically said that she thought terminating for medical reasons was ethical (not using that phrase though – it seems the only ones who use that term are people who have gone through it themselves).
She still seemed unsure that she was the right fit – infertility and abortion and childfree futures seem to be pretty specific fields, but grief is grief, right?
She also seemed really willing to work with our schedule – that means DH doesn’t have to take off anymore work to attend. Between infertility, OB visits, the tx, and the follow ups from the tx, I think he’s getting embarrassed asking for time off.
So, I think I’m willing to give her a chance (even with the history with a CPC). We just need to figure out a time when we can do it.
Not too much else happening. School just started back up, so I’m sure I’ll be distracted. However, this is the time when I got pregnant last year, so I’m sure I’ll be facing some triggers in the coming months. I’m feeling pretty healthy right now, but I know from experience that triggers can come up quickly and without warning. So, while I’m not working myself up, I’m just trying to prepare for the next year. Which is a big reason why I’m eager to get to a counselor.
I think it’s one thing to mourn a loss while you are currently pregnant, but I’m a little scared to face January without hope of a rainbow. To be honest, I don’t think that there is an easier path, just different paths. I guess I just want to find mine.