Tired.

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AF is here, so Talk Like a Pirate Day officially marks the beginning of my childfree life.

The big news is that DH has Bell’s Palsy. We still have more testing to do,  but at least we know he’s not having a stroke anymore.

I took today off to be with him as well since he is having an adverse reaction to the drugs, maybe the steroids, but I’m not sure.

So,  we are making appointments with a neurologist,  a GP, and a chiropractor today.  He has xrays, but he needs an mri. The doc yesterday seemed to think the palsy was triggered by something in his neck rather than an infection.

I’m just exhausted, sad, and numb.

While it’s nice to have a name of something (that’s not dangerous or fatal),  I’m still worried about what we’ll see with an mri. Maybe I’ll be doing my blogging from Caring Bridge after all…

I want to slap the next person who tells me to count my blessings. I want to rub her face in it like a dog who shit on the floor*.  Platitudes are cruel and worthless,  and I’m tired of them. I’d rather someone just give me a hug and say “I’m sorry. This fucking sucks,” rather than sunshine.

I want to go back and tell all those people who tried to comfort me back in January with the promise of a healthy baby and just say “What now?”

I feel like an overfilled balloon. Ready to either explode… or fizzle out.

*I forgot to add this – I know you aren’t supposed to rub dogs’ noses in shit. It’s mean, and they don’t learn from it. I suppose the same thing could be said for people who tell me to be positive.

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4 thoughts on “Tired.

  1. I’m sorry. This does fucking suck.
    I hope you get only good news about your husband. I have a cousin who was diagnosed with Bell’s Palsy years ago & is perfectly fine now. I guess it can just go away?
    This is probably enough shit for you to deal with for a while. I hope things start going your way soon.

    • Yeah, it seems that most cases go away on their own between three weeks and three months. Really and truly, I’m glad it’s something that is pretty benign.

      The other good news is that his pain is gone, it seems.

      I’m just worried there is a neurological problem causing it, but I’m trying not to focus on that.

  2. Hugs. This sucks. I’ll be thinking about you.

    My dad had Bells Palsy for a summer 20 years ago. It came back once a couple years back but has been totally no big deal on the whole. I hope it’s the same for your husband.

  3. THAT BLOWS! I am glad he didn’t have a stroke though. Hopefully the MRI will show no brain thingies and he will be fine and you can deal with your sadness of “child free” without the extra worry.

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