Reflections on the Past Week

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DH has now been moved to a rehab hospital. We are hoping that he is able to come home quickly, but for right now, we’re just trying to make the best of a bad situation. However, this illness triggers a lot of feelings about infertility and TFMR.

  • How could I have appropriately dealt with a disabled infant daughter AND a disabled husband? How would we have been able to afford this? I’m not just talking about medical expenses (we hit his out-of-pocket maximum on day 1 of ICU care), but I’m talking about the time off work. We have no idea how long he’s out of work, and the idea of living off of just my salary is frightening, even now. Luckily, he has disability insurance, so we’ll be getting 60% of his income in another week, but I have no idea if that will be enough to cover the bills. Yes, we stopped doing the IUI’s, but we did just buy two new cars.
  • Thank God we aren’t doing IUI or IVF. There’s no way we’d be able to do it this month anyway.
  • Many of the conditions that he’s dealing with are conditions that my daughter would have had to deal with. Ataxia. Paralysis. Pain. You get the idea.
  • I don’t trust the medical system. We have to be aggressive for his pain meds, and we have to constantly repeat, examine, and correct his medical records. The hospital originally had him scheduled to be discharged to a psychiatric unit! And this is for an adult. As protective as I am over him, I don’t know what I would have done if they had screwed up on my daughter’s medical care.

Also, the arguments over the Affordable Care Act are starting to trigger me as well. I really don’t give a damn about my doctors  asking me about my sexual history (isn’t that what doctors are supposed to do? Especially OBGYNs?), but some people seem to think that it’s too invasive.

Invasive? I’ll tell you what’s invasive. Invasive is feeling obligated to bring up your medical history to the Texas Senate to try and convince them not to place unnecessary restrictions on women’s healthcare. To be ignored like that after I told the most personal details of my life was more humiliating than any medical procedure I’ve ever experienced, including transvaginal ultrasounds.

I can’t stand to watch the news. I skim past updates on Twitter, because I take it all too personally.

I feel like I’m dealing with it all as appropriately as possible, but it’s still stressful.

I have so much more to say, but this was just a quick update to reassure people that things are progressing and that I’m ok. I have to get ready for the week – I have to grade and lesson plans and take care of the house, but all I really want to do is just make sure that he’s ok.

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