DH went to counseling with me yesterday. We focused on incongruent grieving. He seems to think that my blogging and TFMR message board is just wallowing in grief and pain, and is self-inflicted triggers. He said other things that were true, but I think that his eyes might have been opened after the counselor read a few snippets from my blog posts that I shared with her. I don’t think he really understood the lingering affect that all of this has had on me.

Apparently my word choice is quite “vivid” – I think that’s a polite way of saying melodramatic. At one points yesterday, I described myself as a decaying tooth, broken and gray. The counselor asked if I could stop using metaphors and use specific adjectives instead. I can’t really remember why she said that, but I know there was a reason. I may have to ask her about that next week.

While I was there, a current student was also in the office. Awkward. I mean, I’m not embarrassed about getting therapy, but it did trigger reminders of when I kept seeing students in the OBGYN’s office when I was pregnant. Let’s just hope I don’t see any tomorrow when I’m there for my Well Woman’s Exam and birth control. Double ugh.

So tonight, we got ANOTHER blow. It looks like we might have to replace both air conditioner units. REALLY? This couldn’t have waited until DH is at least back at work getting a full paycheck?

I really am trying to stay positive about things. Really. But every time I start to perk up, something comes along and knocks me back down.

Today is October 15th, and it’s Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. I had planned on writing a post focusing on this, but I don’t think I can emotionally handle dragging myself through that tonight. Another day, but I just have too much else going on right now.


2 thoughts on “Whatever.

  1. I was just thinking of how I miss you on BC. I think my husband has felt that way about the boards in the past bit now he also can see how helpful it is and how isolating all of this could be.
    That totally sucks about the AC. When it rain it…..oh whatever to cliches. That SUCKS!!! Hugs! Hang in there!

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