My Poor Tongue


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So, this happened the other day on Pinterest. I was going to blog about it on my “positive” IVF blog, but decided that a rant would be better off here.

Before I begin, let me remind you that I am not a religious person. I’m not going to make fun of you because you are religious – it’s just not my cup of tea. I have no problem with people like Brianna – she asked a legitimate question, and was polite with a response. It’s Melanie that I have a problem with. Sweet, sanctimonious Melanie.

I don’t even know where to begin to tear her “argument” apart. This is why I have a hard time advocating for myself – because I get too passionate. But, I digress. Here is what I think are the points she is making and my reponse to each.

1. God’s Will

First of all, if your God is a dick, please don’t expect me to join in your adoration of His assitude. I don’t believe in abusive relationships. This “God’s Will” argument is one of the worst things to say to someone who is grieving. It’s insensitive and demeaning. It also pisses people off. If had been a religious person, it’s comments like this that would have made me question my faith.

This also insinuates for a person of faith that if they try to take some control of the situation that they are BAD person. So how much should someone TTC with this view? Is Clomid/IUI okay? Charting? Taking birth control? What about in areas OTHER than TTC? What about chemotherapy? Isn’t it God’s will that you DIE from cancer? This is disgusting that you should even bring this up, Melanie. How dare you attempt to discern “God’s will.” What if it was God’s will that I try IVF?

It’s not even like IVF is guaranteed. So if IVF works, isn’t it “God’s Will”?

If doctors could create life all by themselves, IVF would have a 100% success rate. Doctors can put eggs and sperm together, but they can’t force them to fertilize. They can put fertilized eggs into the mother, but they can’t force them to implant and develop into babies. If you are a person of faith, there is plenty of room to see the hand of God at work, guiding the hands of the doctor.

Nor is infertility a sign that someone is not meant to be a parent, any more than a heart attack is a sign that someone is not meant to be alive. It’s a physical disease, which affects men as often as woman, and strikes couples of all ages. It deserves the same treatment as any other illness.

You know what Melanie, I think it’s God’s will that mind your own fucking business.

2. IVF/Science has gone too far.

Seriously? This just strikes me as blatant fearful anti-science rhetoric. With every new scientific discovery there are always people who are scared – scared about what it means to their religion.

Some fundamentalists think that scientists are playing God with IVF. But as a parent, you play God every day. You control your kid’s food, you control your kid’s television habits, you control what your kid wears.

This was a response that a Christian friend gave when she read the Melanie’s comment:

God created man in his or her own image. Meaning we are creators just like him or her. There is no sin or evil in that. That is the Christian response. Nothing we create is wrong because it’s our God given ability. And if you don’t agree with that then remember – Love thy neighbor as thyself.

I really have no problem with science. I’m not scared of it. If I thought it was morally wrong, then I wouldn’t be doing it. I don’t need religion to keep me from doing bad things. I feel that if you need the threat of a God to keep you from doing bad things, then you are a sorry excuse for a human being.

If you had mentioned something about bringing more people into an overpopulated world, then I might have agreed with you. I do have concerns about overpopulation, but sadly, it’s people like you who are the breeders.

3. IVF embryos destroyed by IVF

What does she mean here? Loss from failed implantation? The destruction of unwanted embryos? She doesn’t specify, but that’s because she has no idea. She probably doesn’t know the difference between an egg and follicle, a blastocyst and a fetus.

Obviously, Melanie here thinks life begins at conception. There is a difference between cell division, pregnancy, and personhood. Pregnancy begins at implantation. Plain and simple. Most fertilized eggs, IVF or otherwise, fail to implant. So that means under your reasoning, God’s will is the biggest destroyers of embyros!

Parents Against Personhood explains

Essentially, Melanie wants to criminalize IVF procedures.

4. Just adopt!

Have you adopted? I doubt it, because your attitude suggests that infertiles should be ones to adopt unwanted children. Adoption can be more expensive, and just like IVF, there is no certainty that a your child will actually come home with you. There are lots of complications with IVF.

But, since you obviously are an expert in adoption, you’d know that there a lots of different requirements from the adoption agencies, most of which include a health requirement. My husband and I don’t meet that. IVF is our only option.

Adoption is a great choice for people who want to adopt, not because it’s their only option.

This is a pretty excellent post (and great comments) in response to the “Just Adopt” mentality.

5. IVF is selfish.

Having children is inherently selfish, whether naturally or through IVF. How come breeders aren’t considered selfish for having children naturally instead of adopting? Why are infertiles the ones who are judged and condemned by the breeder audience? Again, if you are going to suggest adoption for infertiles, then you need to suggest it for everyone. If you are going to say that infertiles are selfish, then so is everyone else who chooses to have a baby.

There is plenty more I have to say on this issue, but I’m starting to get myself worked up and I promised myself that I’d stay stress-free this weekend.

I’m really trying not to make this about Christians in general – I know plenty of them who are loving, intelligent, understand the basics of science, and who support IVF. It’s just posts like this make me angry – that woman was seriously trying to use religion make me feel ashamed that I was doing IVF. She was trying to make me feel bad. I am so glad that I don’t know her in real life, because she sounds mean and nasty.

So, do you think that I should respond to her nasty comment, or just leave it there in an ironic memorial of the OP’s comment?


2 thoughts on “My Poor Tongue

  1. You make some excellent, well reasoned and balanced arguments which I almost entirely agree with (except for maybe the God being a dick bit, I too am not religious but I’m more atheist than agnostic and so don’t have a strong anti-God/religion stance) but sadly I think Melanie is far too narrow minded to even consider your arguments so I wouldn’t waste your time responding, you’ll only get more annoyed and ruin your calm weekend. However, energy should be put into arguing against the proposed legislation as people like Melanie should not be able to use their warped opinions to take away someone else’s only (and medically tested and proven) option.

  2. I agree with EVERYTHING you said! Thanks for taking the time to argue the point. Sadly, there are ignorant people out there who, instead of using their time to educate themselves, use it to run off their mouths on the internet. Cheers.

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