So it’s been a weird few days. Yesterday rocked my little community – if you pay attention to the news, you might have heard or read about  the guy in Texas who went on a killing spree and murdered his ex wife’s family – 2 adults and 4 kids. The only survivor is a 15 year old girl who is in the hospital. That’s my area. I live right next to both of those subdivisions. Have friends and students in both of them. If you haven’t heard about it, it’s really, really horrific. I had lunch today with a friend who taught 2 or 3 of the kids and knows the family pretty well. At times like this, I just feel so… useless. What can I do? What can I say? Nothing.

I remember I was pregnant when the Sandy Hooks shooting happened, and I cried and cried, wondering if I’d ever be able to protect my daughter from tragedies like that, wondering how I would explain events like that to a child, and wondering if I’d ever have to face such horrific news myself.

On Facebook, there is a cartoon making the rounds about Calvin (from Calvin and Hobbes) on his deathbed. Most people posted saying that it made them cry, but I read it and felt nothing. No tears. No nothing. People who know me in real life know that I cry at the drop of a hat, but I couldn’t get into this. There was nothing tragic about this. It was an old man who lived a good, long life. He had kids and grandkids. He gave his grandson a special toy. Sweet. A little sad at times. But did it make me cry? No.

I don’t think it’s because I’m a bad ass. I think it was because I was feeling sorry for myself and all I could feel was my own grief. Then yesterday happened and jolted me out of my bubble.

I’m still processing a lot of this. I’m also tired and hormonal (anyone want to take a guess when AF is going to show up?), so let’s see if tomorrow brings me some clarity.


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