14 months…

That’s how old my twins are! Really! So, my last post left you hanging. I’m sorry. Yes, Baby B is missing his corpus callosum and has something called polymicrogyria. I’m not sure if my posts reflected it, but I was certain the pregnancy was going to end horribly, one way or another.

As I mentioned, because of the current laws in Texas at the time (which SCOTUS just recently deemed unconstitutional!) made it impossible for me to wait for prenatal testing results to make a decision in Texas, we decided that if we got a horrible results, we’d go to Colorado. We were able to figure out that there is a WIDE range of outcomes for ACC, and we couldn’t make a decision without knowing more about where Baby B would likely land.

How ironic is it that Colorado’s lax abortion laws saved my son?

We had another MRI around 32 weeks, but we talked with specialists in abnormal pediatric neurology who told us that based on the MRI’s, ultrasounds, and genetic testing, there would be an 80% chance that we wouldn’t be able to tell which twin had the ACC, that he would be completely normal. The worst case situation would (probably) be seizures, learning delays, low muscle tone, and social awkwardness around puberty. Nothing like the worst case scenario(s) we had read about.

Thank you, Colorado. Thank you for giving us the time to get test results back. Thank you for giving us the time to talk to the experts rather than jump blindly off of personal anecdotes off the internet. Thank you for giving us the time that Texas didn’t think we needed or deserved.

I ended up being miserable for most of my pregnancy. Between HG and carrying twins and worrying about Baby B on top of typical pregnancy worries, I didn’t enjoy pregnancy as much as I wanted to. Near the end, I just lounged on the sofa wallowing in hormones.

I had worries with my boss, as well. I felt pressure to come back in August NO MATTER WHAT. While that was originally my plan, I had no idea what to expect with Baby B (what would I do if he had to spend time in NICU?) and ended up stressing about threats to my job. As in, if you don’t come back to work in August, we’ll have to hire a replacement for you. Turns out, as everyone else except my boss knew, that was illegal thanks to FMLA, but it didn’t help my stress level.

I also had a hard time delivering a placenta and almost had to have an emergency hysterectomy. I lost a huge amount of blood, and to have multiple blood transfusions, and had a really hard time breastfeeding as a result. My boss gave me a really hard time about pumping at work, as well. To the point that I could have filed a complaint.

The good news is that both babies are doing REALLY well. Like they are both meeting or beating milestones. Baby B is in Early Childhood Intervention, but he requires no services at this point. He’s as strong as an ox, he walks, crawls, babbles, can say words, and gives the best kisses. He eats well (he LOVES his food) and has a good time playing in the bathtub. He does whine a lot, but that’s easily overlooked because of how stinkin’ cute he is.

I don’t really have much time to blog these days, but I really have a lot to say. Typos, grammatical errors and everything.

I have diapers to put in the dryer and bedtime to get ready for.

But I have babies. I have two healthy, happy babies.

I am still missing a part of my heart, and I will forever miss my daughter, but I am confident knowing that I made the right decision for her.

 

One Week Down…

One to go.

I have a massive headache today. Too many things to worry about.

My father called yesterday, fishing around for what I’ve been up to this summer. I was pretty certain he already knew what I have been up to, so I just responded with the fact that I testified – I didn’t even say what about. His response? “So you’re an abortionist now?”

What does he think I did on January 2nd? Does he not know that a termination is the same thing as an abortion?

I really don’t remember too many details from yesterday, but I do recall trying to explain to him that Texas is going to make what I did illegal. His only response was “No.”

This is what conservative radio talk show hosts do to people.

Other people seem to think that since I had mine done at 18 weeks that ANYONE should be able to TFMR before 20 weeks. That this wouldn’t have affected m, and won’t affect me in the future.

Let’s break this down, shall we?

I had my procedure at 18 weeks, but it took two weeks from the time the dx was identified. I didn’t have an amniocentesis.

I had to FIGHT to see my perinatalogist as soon as I did – they originally wanted me to wait over a week to see them – they were booked. I scrambled to find someone who could see my sooner – on a Friday, and we were able to get the procedure booked for the next week.

However, what would have happened if there were only five abortion clinics in the state of Texas? Do you really think I’d be able to be seen as quickly as I was?

If I had had the amnio done, it would have taken (generally) between 10-12 business days.

That would have, at the earliest, made me 20 weeks pregnant. Now imagine what would happen if a family got their DX at 19 or 20 weeks.

So essentially and very easily, this bill is easily going to end lots of TFMR here in Texas.

Just because a diagnosis isn’t fatal doesn’t mean it isn’t horrific.

Until you have faced a poor-prenatal diagnosis like mine, don’t presume to empathize. You don’t understand. Even if you know someone who had a similar situation to mine or my daughter’s, you don’t know MINE. You don’t know my fiances, my personal health, the stability of our jobs, how strong our marital relationship is, what our future goals are, or how badly off our daughter’s dx was. That’s why spinda bifida is a grey area. We just knew that our situation was a darker shade of grey.

Don’t sit there with your pictures of butchered infants, or well-worn baby shoes, or your crosses or Bibles and pretend to know what me and my family faced. Consider yourself lucky.

I don’t think my already tenuous relationship with my father will ever heal.

My mother started crying the other day when she told me that she realized I could be pregnant while reading my testimony before the Senate. She was so hopeful. If I am pregnant, I wonder what all this adrenaline is doing? I’m staying pretty calm, given the situation, but I’m still worried.

It’s also hard for me to eat – I get so worked up that I don’t have an appetite. I’ve been forcing myself, but it’s hard not to worry, especially after you’ve already lived through a nightmare.

Monday and Senate Bill 1